well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
