I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
