Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
