oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
