I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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