she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
