cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.