do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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