nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
