Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
