Swine flu. Run for my life!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
