Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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