I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
