This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
