She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
