I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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