Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
