I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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