Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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