I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Acid is not a monday night drug
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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