All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
