I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
