why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
