Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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