why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
