I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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