Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize