He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
