New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
