I will die if light touches me.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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