i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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