It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
