So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
