he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
