corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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