I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
