Your face is a jimmy john
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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