I could have mohawked her pubes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
