my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
