when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
