i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
