And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
