Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
