I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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