of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
