there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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