Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
