i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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