saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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