yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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