Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
