Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
