Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
