I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
