Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
