I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
