I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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