I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
