I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
