we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
