Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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