if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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