So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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