Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
