Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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